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From Lisa’s table; at which presently sits Jamie Bowen.

Posted by Jamie Bowen On the 3rd April 2014 Back Ok. Let’s get the gross self-promotion out of the way.

Come to my show in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. It’s called Heart Goes Boom. I’m really proud of it and it’s a lot of fun for me to do. Someone wrote a nice review about it, which you can read here. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are cheaper so come on those nights if you’re feeling a bit broke that week. The show’s about laughing in the face of things going tits up but it’s not depressing in the slightest, I promise you. You guys don’t need that in your lives. I’m doing Wellington as well as Auckland and I’d be stoked if you decided to come. If you don’t, I completely understand. There are a lot of great shows to see during this amazing Festival so whomever you end up seeing; I hope you enjoy the shit out of it. Now, there’s something I’d like to clear up in regards to this whole “From the desk of…” thing.

From the desk of…

Well, if I’m honest, I think it’s better classed as a table.

I don’t mean to persnickety about it, but I feel that the person who made this piece of furniture put in enough work to have their time and effort recognized for having produced what they’d set out to produce. Had their intentions been to create a desk, then I believe they may have overshot the mark considerably and will thus be incredibly disappointed to hear their creation continually referred to as a table. Granted, I’m no expert. But I believe I have enough experience in desk vs. table matters to at least express an opinion on which is either.

So; from the table of… Jamie Bowen. Well, even this is a misnomer. You see; it’s not my table. It belongs to my flat mate Lisa, who, I’m sure, would be perturbed to hear her table referred to as my table. It may surprise you to learn this, but I own no tables whatsoever. None. I do own a desk, but I’m not currently writing this from my desk. My desk is actually slightly too tall for me, whereas the table is the perfect height. Consequently, I’m at the table; which, as we’ve just established, is not mine.

From Lisa’s table; at which presently sits Jamie Bowen.


Much better. Now that we’ve made the important distinctions between both the type of furniture and the ownership of said furniture, you have a far greater understanding of exactly what is going on. I believe that only full disclosure on my part will allow you to form a genuine comprehension of where this came from. Imagine if I had written this from Lisa’s table and utterly lied about it? Were you to find out that I was not only sitting at a table, but that it wasn’t even my table… Well, I’m sure I’m not out of line in suggesting that you’d be mighty pissed off.

Firstly, you’re missing out on a lot of furniture. In general, a desk tends to be smaller than a table. Particularly in this case it’s quite true. This is clearly a table. It wouldn’t take much to dress it as a desk but we all know the old saying, don’t we? A table in desk’s clothing? Of course we do.

Secondly, it would affect your feelings towards my writing. You’d have pictured me sat at a desk in one shape or other; when in fact I was at a table. This would have been misrepresentation of the highest order and upon finding out the vicious truth that you had been violently lied to, you would have to readjust your entire take on the matter altogether. I have saved you time by not making you think about this whole thing twice and in the process saved myself some face by not being found out as a lying scoundrel.

So, let’s recap.

This has come from Lisa’s table who was kind enough to let Jamie sit at it so he didn’t have to sit at his desk which is slightly too tall for him.

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